I apologize for being super absent on the blog lately but I just haven’t really felt like writing anything. I have composed a set of goals for 2019 which I plan on sharing with all of you very soon, however, I just haven’t been in the mood to go through all of my aspirations for this year. So far, 2019 has been pretty great. It was my birthday on January 24 (24 on the 24th!!!) and I had a great time at a cool bar with a few of my close friends. I have also been incorporating low impact cardio into my daily regime for the past 2 weeks and I have never been more proud of myself for the level of discipline I am showing.
My number one goal in 2019 is to lose 40 pounds. I have seen so many people do it and I think that I can too. I am tired of gaining weight and seeing cute outfits that I would love to fit into, but I just cannot. I have been making little changes to my diet and athletics lately and I hope that these efforts will become a lifestyle change for me overall. My goal is to be in better health long term and to also feel like a cute girl in her 20’s again. After the terrible 2018 I had (and y’all would know if you really followed my blog), I think its time for me to feel like me again and for me to feel happy and amazing again. 2019 is the perfect year to boss up (as Rick Ross tweets daily). I hope that I will be able to update you on my great progress one day soon!
Bye for now my lovelies.
I will be honest – I am not Ariana Grande’s biggest fan, however, this song has grown on me. God is a woman is a pop song from Grande’s new album, Sweetner. I like the bass drop and I think its a fun song to work out at the gym too. Obviously, its quite popular right now because it is her but its actually pretty good. I especially like the part where the choir joins her at the end. You have probably already heard this too but if you haven’t then go and give it a listen!
Lately, I have been going through a very rough time emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I feel like nothing in my life can get better. Its hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am struggling with the most mundane of things. Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian (Yeah, I know but don’t judge), posted a series of tweets and honestly they calmed down my anxiety instantly. I hope that maybe this can resonate with you as well. We are not perfect human beings but maybe we can be better people and our lives can get better as well. I hope that this can happy for me in the future.
I received an email today from SELF Magazine and it was all about high protein meals you can prepare for a cold day. Some of these recipes looked so amazing I couldn’t not share them with all of you. I hope that you click the link and find something amazing to enjoy.
If (and when) I make any of these, I will share the pics with you all here on the blog!
Find Recipes Here!!!!
Today is my ex-best friends birthday and I am super sad.
One of our mutual friends texted me to tell me about the people that were there and I just realized that it has been a year since I had last seen my former friend and I realized how sad I was about the situation. I am crying as I write this right now and I thought that maybe writing it out would help me with my feelings.
This year has absolutely been the hardest one of my life. If I make it out of 2018 alive and with even a semblance of happiness then maybe I will have made it. I feel like life will never get better than this quite often and I am not even sad anymore because I have just accepted that life sucks. I don’t even want better things anymore. I just want a job that pays my rent and puts food on the table. Thinking about the ‘more” in life really make me feel trapped and depressed and hopeless. I don’t hope anymore. I don’t wish anymore. I just do what I need to do to keep on living.
I also haven’t had a good cry in a while but tonight made me cry hysterically. The things and people that used to make me happy are gone. The person I used to be is lost. I have gained over 40 pounds and I look obese. I am always being demanded to do something from my family. I am broke. I am depressed. I hate the way I look in a mirror. Most of all, I am lonely. I think Loneliness is the hardest things in the world to deal with.
So, tonight I write this with tears in my eyes and yes I know it makes no sense. I feel like healing will never come and that pain is enteral but maybe life will get 10% better and that is enough for me to be okay with.