3 things (31/03/2018)

1. I’m on my way to see my friends new house. I’m super excited for her and I’m glad that I’m able to see it! I love when my friends accomplish new and amazing things.

2. I got depressed thinking about him for 2 hours today. I have realized that I have accepted the break up and accepted that he’s gone, but the pain of his words and the event still plagues me until this day. It’s horrible to say the least but I will be okay.

3. I realized yesterday that it doesn’t matter if he’s doing great in life right now or that his girlfriend is a 10, he didn’t treat me well and I need to focus on the fact that I deserve better too. There was some one better for him and there will be someone better for me too.

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3 Things (30/03/2018)

  1. Some days I wonder if I let the love of my life go. I wonder if I let the only person that ever loved me go because I was too angry to see what I had? I wonder if I had to let him go so I could find myself again? I wonder if I had to let him go because something/someone greater is coming? I wonder if its all in my head and we were just actually never meant to be?
  2. They always say that if you love something then you let it go and if it comes back then it was yours and if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant for you. I have seen love come back to some but I know that is rare and probably not going to happen for me. I have a hard time completely letting go even though he completely has. I have a hard time being happy without him in my life. I try everything. Sometimes I wonder if I prematurely left him because I was fed up? I can’t keep on looking back. Its not healthy but It is just so hard not to.
  3. I don’t know who I am anymore really. Some days I think I do and other days I completely don’t. Some days I think I am strong and beautiful and other days I can’t even bring myself to get out of the bed. I know I probably have high functioning depression but I need to fight it. I know I can. I need to find it within me to start to live for me.

Body

I haven’t posted about a song for a while, so here goes.

Body is a song by Canadian EDM duo, Loud Luxury. This song features vocalist Brando, who apparently originally wrote the song to be a rap. Loud Luxury played with his voice and lyrics a bit to give us the Top 40 Masterpiece, Body. 

I am obsessed with this song and it just makes me want to get up and dance and have so much fun. I hope that you play this and jam to it at your next pre party.

3 things (28/03/2018)

1. I have to drop my final class today and I also have to finish an essay for my only class today. Sometimes I really feel like I have become a failure since my break up. I feel stuck in this place and even though goof things are happening everyday, I don’t feel like I am growing. Growth doesn’t happen over night, this I know, but I just want to feel whole again. I just want to feel like I can accomplish all again.

2. I want to be so successful. I want to earn a master’s degree and be successful at work and get a driver’s license and to move to a different city. I feel trapped by my surroundings. I am ready to leave and let go. I need to start my life over and I am craving this change.

3. I am having a sad day. I think it’s because I’m tired but maybe I’m feeling depressed again? I don’t know but I am kind of having a sad day. It’s a foggy day and the sun isn’t out So that could be it as well. I’m not too sure. I just want to be happy but don’t we all?

3 Things (27/03/2018)

  1. I woke up this morning and he wasn’t on my mind so I think that this is a silent blessing in disguise. Maybe I am really starting to let go and move on and learn to unlove day by day.
  2. I put a lot of effort into looking cute and beautiful today and I hope that this mood will last. I even have a desire to get my nails done today. Maybe I should?
  3. I am going to work and then to have coffee with a friend. It is going to be a good day today.

Heart of the Matter (Book Review)

7114761.jpgTHIS DIDN’T END THE WAY I WANTED IT TO TO BE HONEST.

I will be upfront, I was so bored with one of the main protagonists, Tessa, that I didn’t really want her to have a happy ending. Also, I come from a single parent household so I really wanted the single mother, Valerie, to finally get the happy ending she deserved. She almost did but Nick, the gorgeous surgeon who is married to Tessa and will end up having an affair with Valerie, had a change of heart. I honestly think that he just took an L.

This books starts off slow, so to summarize, Tessa Russo, wife of surgeon Nick, decides to leave her job and become a stay at home mom. Cool, nothing too drastic here. Her mom warns her of the negatives of this action and how it will damage her relationship with her all star husband. Tessa, decides to dismiss her mothers claims and proceeds to live her stay at home mom life. She quickly realizes that staying at home isn’t as easy as it looks and her marriage does begin to become strained. Uh-oh.

Valerie is a lawyer and a single mother who lives with her son and her brother, who we later on learn is gay. Her whole life is her son and she does her best to protect him. One day, she agrees to let him go to a sleepover where he accidentally gets pushing into a camp fire while two other boys were rough housing near it. Her son’s skin gets badly burnt and her life comes crashing down.

As Valerie’s son is getting treatment for his wounds, she and Nick become very close, having many one on one conversations…since he is the doctor here after all. When they are released, Nick continues to make at home visits (when this is truly not necessary) which ends up in intercourse between Valerie and Nick.

Nick feels guilty and realizes that he “loves” his wife so after one time, he ends things with Valerie and confesses to his wife Tessa. Tessa kicks him out for a while but the book ends with them reconciling because she essentially doesn’t want her kids to live a life without a dad, thus sacrificing her happiness even more.

In my opinion, Nick should have ended up with Valerie. Tessa, who was becoming super insecure anyways, could not get the same attention or affection from her husband that she used to. He had disconnected and began to fall in love with another. She can stay but their marriage will never be the same and they will never be truly happy again. Valerie honestly wins either way. If she gets Nick she wins the prize of the accomplished man but has to deal with the backlash of the divorce. If she doesn’t get Nick, she can keep her head held high and be confident that she can still attract a man even if she doesn’t get to keep him under the circumstances.

I give this book a 2.5/5. Its a great book for reading in a Starbucks cafe when you’re bored. It needed more action and drama. Tessa bored me to death and the best part was seeing Nick and Valerie’s love grow. I still wish it didn’t have to die even in light of the circumstances.

3 Things (25/03/2018)

  1. I learnt tonight that depression causes us to be fixed in our thoughts and that lack of sleep lowers our will power. Maybe that’s why I ruminate so much? Maybe that’s why I was weak when I needed to be strong? Who knows?
  2. I have an essay due tomorrow and I have no desire to write it. It is important and it is for the only class I actually have left to take so I really should buckle down and get her done. I am just lazy and lacking motivation I suppose.
  3. I had a very insightful phone call tonight with a break up specialist and I watched her video on why I wasn’t good enough. She simply stated that all relationships run their course and I guess mine did too. Maybe I need to do an inventory of where I went wrong and contrast it to the things I feel about him in order to progress more so. Maybe I need to stop writing about it. Who knows?