I have had the worst week.
My grandma, who has dementia, has been accusing me of things that I never did after a fight that we had.
My grandmother is very toxic and negative. Even before her dementia became something of concern, she never treated me well. She would yell at me like a dog and say quite racist things to me. She told me that there was no where for me to sleep in her home and that I couldn’t eat because other people need food. The way she treated me growing up was very mean. I could never do anything right.
When I got older, she made me do things for her every night and she would yell at me in the most ferocious way if I did not. I was her slave to do things for. She was never nice to me.
When her personality and health began to deteriorate, she began to lean on me for everything. For her health care, for her groceries, for her social interaction – FOR EVERYTHING. I was the best I could possibly be for her at the time.
I am not a perfect person. I have my flaws. But I tried hard to ensure that she had the best quality of life as possible.
My grandmother does not like my mom at all. She defames her character quite often. On August 31, 2020, my grandmother began to accuse my mom of things that were not true. What happened next I will admit that I am not proud of at all.
I began to yell at her and I slammed her door 3 times, breaking my watch in the process. Anger consumed me. How could I sit there and continue to accept the lies that she had been telling about my mother for years, especially with the magnitude that they were? It was terrible and she would not see reason. I gave her back her house keys and vowed not to return.
Do I like my grandmother? No.
Do I feel bad for her as a human? Yes.
No one deserves to be sad and alone, despite how evil they are (and oh boy is she the devil in disguise).
I am disgusted by the way I behaved. Sometimes when I get angry, I turn into a nightmare. I hate it. I haven’t had an outburst in about 3 years. I do not feel good about this.
Ultimately, it is never emotionally easy to cut off family, especially an older senior like a grandmother. It is time though. I have to let her go for my own sanity.
I hope you can understand.