1. I am so angry at my ex today. I don’t know why. I have this overwhelming anger towards him today, almost resembling hate. This is the most angry I have been at him in all the months since our breakup. I just yelled and threw things and then broke down and cried. I guess this is a part of the healing too?
2. I have been really down on myself lately. I feel like the biggest failure in the world. I don’t know if I’m doing okay or if I’m moving forward. I don’t know the difference between happy and sad anymore. I’m just angry but also very upset.
3. My head is a very sad world to live in these days. Imagine living in a mental world where you could feel and accept the love given to you? Imagine. I have lost so much of myself in losing him and how sad of a world is that to live in?
Hey Everyone! I wanted to start doing a weekly advice segment where I get to answer some of your questions here on the blog. It would be an ASK ALEX segment where you fill out the form and I choose a question to answer or to give advice to. It would be anonymous! My friends tell me that I give great advice and I want to be able to help others too. Fill it out and let me know! It can be about anything:
1. I’m on my way to see my friends new house. I’m super excited for her and I’m glad that I’m able to see it! I love when my friends accomplish new and amazing things.
2. I got depressed thinking about him for 2 hours today. I have realized that I have accepted the break up and accepted that he’s gone, but the pain of his words and the event still plagues me until this day. It’s horrible to say the least but I will be okay.
3. I realized yesterday that it doesn’t matter if he’s doing great in life right now or that his girlfriend is a 10, he didn’t treat me well and I need to focus on the fact that I deserve better too. There was some one better for him and there will be someone better for me too.
Since my awful break up this year, I have really felt confined by the space and place I am in. I am finishing up my undergrad and about to start a masters, but I feel trapped in my environment. My goal and hope for the remainder to 2018, is to be able to free my soul through deep mediation and travel.
I want to travel and see new places and create new memories and experiences. If after I travel, I am still unable to be happy with everything in life, then I will determine that most of what I feel is internal and not environmental.
On my travel bucket-list I will be attempting to visit:
- Ottawa, ON, Canada
Lets see if I actually make it and follow my travel tab to see me write about my experiences.
I was watching the TV show Scandal and this song started playing. At first, I listened to the song and I thought it was beautiful at first. Later, I added it to my Spotify playlist and really listened to it for the first time. This song has truly resonated with me in my heartbreak. I was brought to tears. You never think that someone will leave you when everything is good and nothing you say or ask can ever make them turn around and stay. You will question everything that went wrong and everything that you could have changed but that will never bring them back.
“Why didn’t you stay?”
I ask myself this question everyday. Why didn’t I stay at first and why didn’t he stay at the end. We can torture ourselves forever with these questions and try to find answers but that only stops our growth forward.
This song is the lyrical embodiment of heartbreak. Using the changes of the seasons to describe lost love is perfect. As we go through the changing seasons without the one we love we will learn new things about ourselves and our place in our relationship and be able to move forward and grow. Always move forward and never back and even if you move back, remember the sun will come out tomorrow and a new season will come and you will be just fine my dear.
I never dreamed you’d leave in summer, but now I find my love has gone away. Why didn’t you stay…