So far, in my life, I have felt like everything has been behind. Tonight, for the first time in months, everything slightly clicked into place for me and that feeling of wanting to be the best returned. For the first time in a long time I was able to envision myself being where I want to be and doing things that I love. I decided to create a list of goals for myself to follow from now until the end of 2020 (so, for a year and 4 months ish):
- Go to the gym 3 times a week
- Lose 30 pounds
- Pay off my credit card and student loan debt
- Make a solid group of girlfriends (or just friends, I don’t discriminate)
- Walk my dog 5 days per week
- Become a Teaching Assistant
- Just do generally well in school
- Find a quality project to focus on
- Develop one technical skill
- Read one book every month
This may sound like a lot, but it is not and these are all things that will hopefully make my 2021 one prosperous. I will also finish my Master’s degree in 2021, so that will be a good time to regroup and make new goals.
Hi There Everyone,
I know it has been a while since I updated this blog but honestly, I haven’t really had anything compelling to write and also, I kind of forgot about this blog.
Things have been really good in my life and my mental health has never been better! I am going to start a new full-time job on Monday and I am super excited about that, but I am also afraid of having structure in my life in that way. I love having a flexible work schedule.
Anyways, hopefully this summer, I will find interesting things to blog about but as of right now, I don’t have anything to write.
Maybe I will go back to writing about my favourite songs? Who knows right now. Take Care Y’all!
For the past week, I have committed myself to eating clean foods only. I have only bought food twice and I have made nutrient rich lunches and dinners to bring with me to work. I have noticed a few things as I start this lifestyle change journey:
- I have more energy and I am able to work longer days
- My focus has been better during the day time hours
- I am calmer – I don’t feel as angry and bitter
- I don’t have any desire to buy food unless I really don’t have any more food
- I actually enjoy meal prepping
- I still need to establish a cut of time for eating
Things are definitely improving diet wise and I think I can commit to eating better and preparing my own meals. Yes, it can be tough and time consuming at times but it is totally worth it. I will follow up with you all and let you know how things are going.
I am at that age in life where its time to apply for full time employment (I am 23). While I have landed a pretty cool internship in the past few weeks, it is always great to continue to look for new strategies to implement into future interviews. I found this article on the 10 Best Questions you should ask in a job interview to help you stand out. I hope that this article can benefit someone else in the future!
For the first time in over 6 years, I have straight A’s in all of my academic classes. That sounds amazing, right? Yes it does, but it also sucks that I have been in my undergraduate program for longer than the usual 4 years. I feel like I should be further in my life and that I should be at work or in grad school. I feel like my life should be more together than it currently is. While I do feel that I am behind in my life, getting good grades has once again proven to me that I do have intelligence and I can go as far in my life as I am willing to push myself. I think we all need to find something that makes us feel as if we can push ourselves past the limits we have set for ourselves. Set a goal and go for something. Maybe at the end of this, I will be fully proud of myself.
Lately, I have been going through a very rough time emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I feel like nothing in my life can get better. Its hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am struggling with the most mundane of things. Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian (Yeah, I know but don’t judge), posted a series of tweets and honestly they calmed down my anxiety instantly. I hope that maybe this can resonate with you as well. We are not perfect human beings but maybe we can be better people and our lives can get better as well. I hope that this can happy for me in the future.
Today is my ex-best friends birthday and I am super sad.
One of our mutual friends texted me to tell me about the people that were there and I just realized that it has been a year since I had last seen my former friend and I realized how sad I was about the situation. I am crying as I write this right now and I thought that maybe writing it out would help me with my feelings.
This year has absolutely been the hardest one of my life. If I make it out of 2018 alive and with even a semblance of happiness then maybe I will have made it. I feel like life will never get better than this quite often and I am not even sad anymore because I have just accepted that life sucks. I don’t even want better things anymore. I just want a job that pays my rent and puts food on the table. Thinking about the ‘more” in life really make me feel trapped and depressed and hopeless. I don’t hope anymore. I don’t wish anymore. I just do what I need to do to keep on living.
I also haven’t had a good cry in a while but tonight made me cry hysterically. The things and people that used to make me happy are gone. The person I used to be is lost. I have gained over 40 pounds and I look obese. I am always being demanded to do something from my family. I am broke. I am depressed. I hate the way I look in a mirror. Most of all, I am lonely. I think Loneliness is the hardest things in the world to deal with.
So, tonight I write this with tears in my eyes and yes I know it makes no sense. I feel like healing will never come and that pain is enteral but maybe life will get 10% better and that is enough for me to be okay with.