What is Limerence?
Limerence – “the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.”
Last night, I was talking to my friend and I truly sat there and asked myself why and how I could possibly still be ‘in love’ with my ex. It has been 2.5 years since we broke up. Hes fully moved on. I haven’t seen or talked to him in this long. Honestly, I am starting to annoy myself with this. I am starting to feel like this is dumb and unnecessary. Why do I love someone who doesn’t love me?
A few quotes from my friends started to put things into perspective for me:
“When you started dating him, the you we knew walked out the door and never came back. Where did she go?”
“I don’t think you love him. I think you have somethings you need to work on”
“He may be good to her, but he wasn’t good to you and thats all that should matter”
As I sat here and reflected on a few of the comments made, I realized that my brain was bringing up the past and I wasn’t consciously having nightmares or dreams about my ex. I wasn’t thinking about him all day voluntarily. Why was I having these thoughts that caused me a whole lot of emotional pain, sadness, anxiety, and depression. It must be a mental illness of some sort. To be honest, I have always been a person that was great at letting people go, especially ex’s, so why was he any different?
When I typed my symptoms and feelings into Google, the term Limerence came up and I started to read articles on them and realized quickly that this is what I had. Realizing that there was a name for it and a way to move through it was actually so relieving. I think that I will write more about this in the future, especially as I work through learning more about this condition. In the meantime, here are a few articles that I found that should help to explain what Limerence is in more detail.
- Love Or Limerence? 11 Signs You’re In A Fantasy Relationship
- 7 Things To Remember When You’re Obsessing Over Someone Who Isn’t Obsessed With You
- 5 Dangerous Things That Happen To Your Brain When You Fall In Love – Especially With A Toxic Person
My goal for 2020 is to fill myself and my life with so much joy that I can overcome this feeling (or condition, depending on how you see it).
If any of you are experiencing or have experienced this, comment below!