Look At Every Toxic Behaviour In Your Life

7ac4ff9ec3ef0618f8a044601cfed4b5In order to change your life, you need to look at every toxic behaviour in your life.

A lot of people hate to look at themselves and define themselves, especially the ‘ugly’ parts of their personalities. We all have faults and none of us are perfect.

In order to move forward, let go, and understand who YOU are, you need to understand how you got to that place. In order to grow, you need to become more emotionally intelligent. In order to become more emotionally intelligent, you need to understand how your negative (or toxic) behaviours have brought you to the place you are today. Only then can you change your future.

We all make mistakes in our pasts and some are more detrimental than others. It is important to understand that we can change our lives at any moment we decide to for the better. We cannot change the past but we can change the future. Once you understand that you can make your future much brighter than your past ever was, then you can start to grow and change as a person.

Commit to improving yourself by 1% per day, everyday, until you are the best version of you. Then, when you feel that you are the best you can be, put that 1% per  day into maintaining that sense of self you have created. You will feel much happier and healthier mentally when you do so.

Love yourself wholly enough to look at yourself completely. When you make peace with who you used to be, you can become who you NEED to be and your world will become a brighter place.

You can do it.

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3 Things (30/03/2018)

  1. Some days I wonder if I let the love of my life go. I wonder if I let the only person that ever loved me go because I was too angry to see what I had? I wonder if I had to let him go so I could find myself again? I wonder if I had to let him go because something/someone greater is coming? I wonder if its all in my head and we were just actually never meant to be?
  2. They always say that if you love something then you let it go and if it comes back then it was yours and if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant for you. I have seen love come back to some but I know that is rare and probably not going to happen for me. I have a hard time completely letting go even though he completely has. I have a hard time being happy without him in my life. I try everything. Sometimes I wonder if I prematurely left him because I was fed up? I can’t keep on looking back. Its not healthy but It is just so hard not to.
  3. I don’t know who I am anymore really. Some days I think I do and other days I completely don’t. Some days I think I am strong and beautiful and other days I can’t even bring myself to get out of the bed. I know I probably have high functioning depression but I need to fight it. I know I can. I need to find it within me to start to live for me.

Never Dreamed You’d Leave in Summer

I was watching the TV show Scandal and this song started playing. At first, I listened to the song and I thought it was beautiful at first. Later, I added it to my Spotify playlist and really listened to it for the first time. This song has truly resonated with me in my heartbreak. I was brought to tears. You never think that someone will leave you when everything is good and nothing you say or ask can ever make them turn around and stay. You will question everything that went wrong and everything that you could have changed but that will never bring them back.

“Why didn’t you stay?”

I ask myself this question everyday. Why didn’t I stay at first and why didn’t he stay at the end. We can torture ourselves forever with these questions and try to find answers but that only stops our growth forward.

This song is the lyrical embodiment of heartbreak. Using the changes of the seasons to describe lost love is perfect. As we go through the changing seasons without the one we love we will learn new things about ourselves and our place in our relationship and be able to move forward and grow. Always move forward and never back and even if you move back, remember the sun will come out tomorrow and a new season will come and you will be just fine my dear.

I never dreamed you’d leave in summer, but now I find my love has gone away. Why didn’t you stay…

What It Means to Take a Risk

 

Going through a breakup has had me seeking inspiration from a variety of sources (on the internet and through people). These sources could simply be comedic or sad or happy but what I realized most of all is that I was looking for an answer to my heart ache and pain. I was looking for an answer to my disposition and sadness. I was looking for the answer from the world as to why someone couldn’t love me the way I loved them. Ultimately, I couldn’t find an answer but what I did find was a video on YouTube by Ashley C. Ford about love and risk.

Love and risk.

What does that mean?

I had to listen to this video 11 times before I truthfully had the answer I was looking for within myself. When you love someone, you risk it all for them. You fight. Ford said “Love is active”. When you love someone, you fight and open up yourself to someone else. You risk your heart in order to be with someone else. Love should make you grow and prosper. You fight for this to happen. As I listened to this talk I realized that while my relationship had love, it never had fight.

The second thing that Ford said was a quote from Maya Angelou, “Love Liberates, it doesn’t bind”. It really does. Love allows you to open up and to free yourself emotionally because you have found someone that you trust enough to break down your walls with and let in. You have found freedom in your love. That is a beautiful thing. She also said about her partner was, “he has never asked me to be less so that he could be more…he has only encouraged me to expand…he has liberated me in some ways”. I realized that in my relationship, I was not asked to be less so that he could be more, but I always FELT that I had to be less so that he could be more. I felt that I had to work less to give him more of my time so that he could be happy. I felt like I had to do less because he was doing nothing, and that made me feel stagnant and frustrated. I never felt liberated with this man. I felt stuck. I didn’t feel encouraged to expand. I felt encouraged to stand still. While he has now found some degree of success in his life (from what I can see), I have determined that we were not for each other as we could not spawn the desire for more within each other. We could not liberate each other. For that reason, you must let go.

The third thing Ashley Ford says, is that “Love will never let you down, ultimately”. We have all had our hearts broken in some way and we have all had to rebuild and restructure, but no matter what happens, loving someone and risking for them is never a mistake. I loved him fully and thoroughly and I tried hard to express this to him. While I held on for a bit too long and found it hard to let go, I know that there is a lesson to be learnt here and I am finding out what that is day by day.

I realized that the only way to move on is to inspire yourself to move on. You need to love and liberate YOURSELF. Take risks in your career, life and friendships. Expand on your knowledge of the world. Go on an adventure. Make new memories. Be free. You can always fall in love again, but you can never get time back. Go and be free.

Love yourself.

 

Day 13: Weak

“Learn to celebrate your strengths, be prepared to address your weakness”

This is a simple one. Know what you are good at and use that to your advantage. Know what you aren’t great at, embrace it and work on it. This is the only way that you will be able to grow your intelligence and to teach others about what you know. Celebrate all that you are, and also all that you can be. You are as weak as you conceive yourself you be.

Day 5: Feel

“Watch God take you from feeling disappointed to feeling anointed” – Sprinkle of Jesus

I think this quote related directly to being hopeful. Being hopeful gives us the courage to grow and move into new spaces. Instead of being disappointed when things don’t work out, we should learn to feel grateful that they didn’t and hopeful that something new and better will come. This will help us to accomplish the goals and things we need and not just want. Pray on it and it will eventually come to be ❤.

Day 4: Savage

“Pretending to be a savage won’t heal that hole in your heart” – Sprinkle of Jesus

There is a hole in my heart from my heart break and in dealing with that pain I did treat some of those that were close to me in a unkind way to fill that hole in my heart. Do I feel better? No. I do feel worse, however, being a savage did teach me about myself and my friends. Those who knew me and knew that I was just in pain forgave me, but those who didn’t really know me dismissed me. Being a savage didn’t make me feel better or fill that whole in my heart but it did help me to realize the difference between right and wrong and I will take that into the future.