Everyone and their mother consistently tells me how important it is to have a Husband and how amazing it is to be a Wife. Coming from a single parent home, I could never understand the importance of a Husband and why everyone was impressing this need upon me.
From I was a child, I had been prepared to be the perfect Wife. I was taught how to serve, how to dress to impress a man, attended finishing school, taught conversation topics to impress your partners friends, and told consistently that food was the way to a Man’s heart. Unlike my friends, I became very skeptical of this education from the age of 8 and I began to look for the ultimate answer to my question – are these wives even happy? Began what would be a near 20 year pursuit for answers and I wouldn’t get them until I read this book.
“The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a book about how to essentially be a better wife to your husband and why that is so important. I will admit that the only reason I purchased this book was to simply work on my aversion to marriage and long term romantic commitment. I like to research and understand better why I think the way that I do, and reading is often the best way for me to do so.
What striked me the most about reading this text was that Dr. Laura said most of the things that most of the women in my life said about marriage and being a Wife. What set me off though was a conversation I had with my Mom prior to reading this book. I came to the kitchen in my favourite style of pajama set. My Mom said to me, “When you get married, you can’t wear that type of pajama set to bed anymore because he will cheat on you”. Then, this book discussed the importance of the pajama set, even Adrienne Bailon did to an extent, and some of my friends did too. And then the realization hit me – maybe marriage isn’t for me.
See, what I have gotten from this book, friends, and family, is that Marriage is a lot of work. And kind of like a specific job in many ways that I am qualified to do 50% of because I am a woman (in a heterosexual context). I realized that I just didn’t like the job specifications for the part that I had to do. I was condemned for not liking it and made to think that something was wrong with me when I just do not want to engage in life long servitude with a male mate. Maybe something is wrong with me for that, but I know in advance that it would not make me happy.
Reading this book made me realize that Marriage isn’t the end all be all of life. Maybe having a life partner is fun and great, but I may never know. And that is okay! But the work that has to be put in to maintain a Husband seems so tedious and unsatisfying to me and me specifically that I do not feel like engaging in it.
I may change my mind one day, but most likely not now. Either way, I thank Dr. Laura for this read because it gave me new perspective in many ways.
Please note – her opinions are polarizing and controversial to some. I would say that 50% of the book is solid advice and either way it is worth the read.
Rainbow Glazed Nights 