For the first time in over 6 years, I have straight A’s in all of my academic classes. That sounds amazing, right? Yes it does, but it also sucks that I have been in my… More
I received an email today from SELF Magazine and it was all about high protein meals you can prepare for a cold day. Some of these recipes looked so amazing I couldn’t not share them with all of you. I hope that you click the link and find something amazing to enjoy.
If (and when) I make any of these, I will share the pics with you all here on the blog!
Today is my ex-best friends birthday and I am super sad.
One of our mutual friends texted me to tell me about the people that were there and I just realized that it has been a year since I had last seen my former friend and I realized how sad I was about the situation. I am crying as I write this right now and I thought that maybe writing it out would help me with my feelings.
This year has absolutely been the hardest one of my life. If I make it out of 2018 alive and with even a semblance of happiness then maybe I will have made it. I feel like life will never get better than this quite often and I am not even sad anymore because I have just accepted that life sucks. I don’t even want better things anymore. I just want a job that pays my rent and puts food on the table. Thinking about the ‘more” in life really make me feel trapped and depressed and hopeless. I don’t hope anymore. I don’t wish anymore. I just do what I need to do to keep on living.
I also haven’t had a good cry in a while but tonight made me cry hysterically. The things and people that used to make me happy are gone. The person I used to be is lost. I have gained over 40 pounds and I look obese. I am always being demanded to do something from my family. I am broke. I am depressed. I hate the way I look in a mirror. Most of all, I am lonely. I think Loneliness is the hardest things in the world to deal with.
So, tonight I write this with tears in my eyes and yes I know it makes no sense. I feel like healing will never come and that pain is enteral but maybe life will get 10% better and that is enough for me to be okay with.
Don’t we just all love finales? I was watching one of the final scenes of Girlfriends Guide to Divorce and I heard this lovely song. I have had it on repeat for the past week and I thought it would be great to share with all of you! Upside Down is a soul folk song by GoldFord and it is simply about not being able to let go of someone because of the beauty that they add to your life.
This post really resonated with me and I hope it can resonate with someone else too.
“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.”
– Sarah Dessen, Someone Like You
If someone told me a few short years ago that this quote would apply to me and my life right now, I’d look at my friends, look at the person, look back at my friends and then look back at that person (pause) and fall into a hysterical fit of laughter. See I never imagined I’d have no friends, I always had friends, even in secondary school when my ‘friends’ at the time turned on me, I found a new clique to hang out with, but I am not in secondary school anymore, I’m no longer a teenager, and the reality is friendships at least for me are harder to form and that’s not for lack of wanting.
I really don’t know what happened to all the close friends I once had…
View original post 282 more words
I feel like I am always in a predicament with people and friends. I am either losing them or fighting with them. Since my breakup, which I now understand the part I played in, I have found that I have had drama with my friends without even really trying. Its like I attract it just by saying something or anything.
And then I realized something.
These just were not my people.
I think if they were my people, they would invite and include me in things so I didn’t feel more alone. I think that they would tell people my ideas instead of trading them off as their own. I think they would check in on me more. I think they wouldn’t say mean things and I think they would respect me more. I wouldn’t feel like an outsider when I am with them.
Realizing that you have to let go of your girl squad is hard as fuck but sometimes its necessary. I believe that there are people out there in the world for you and for me and I will find them. Maybe not today but hopefully soon.
To be honest, none of this will matter my 30 and knowing this has taken a huge weight from off of my shoulders.
As a part of a Self-Discovery Mission, I decided to Travel to New York City in June 2018 all by myself. I would end up having an amazing time, meeting new friends, seeing old friends, loving my Airbnb and finding the best AirBnB experience of all time.
I have always loved listening to Podcasts and I thought that nothing could be better than to actually be on a podcast myself. When I saw the opportunity to feature on a World Famous Podcast, I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. While it was nerve wracking at first to be going to a strangers home to discuss random topics for the world to hear, it was really a wonderful and enlightening experience and the highlight of my trip from Toronto to New York City.
Luc is an amazing host and was such a pleasure to meet. From the amazing Turkish Coffee reading to the hilarious warm ups before the show, it was truly an eventful experience. Within 10 minutes of being in his apartment, I felt right at home and by the end, I felt as if I had made a new friend in New York City.
I left his Lower Manhattan setup that afternoon feeling hopeful about life and positive about my ability to make new connections. No matter where you go in the world, you will always find new people that feel similar to you and you can connect with them on various levels too. This experience taught me that and I am forever thankful that I will have this reminder to remember the day from.
I hope to one day have a podcast in Toronto where I can talk to strangers and become friends with them. I think that would be pretty amazing. To learn about others is the best way to get to know more about yourself. I think that this whole concept is pretty cool.
Thank you Murmur Podcast. Thank you Luc. Thank you New York City.
Link to the episode: MURMUR PODCAST
I heard this song come onto my shuffle playlist, while on a bus ride back from New York City, where I was sobbing over the memories of my ex-boyfriend.
I had downloaded some random Starbucks playlist before I left and I didn’t expect to find this gem of a song. I love Ray LaMontagne and I instantly fell in love with this song. His voice is just gorgeous. I think he is talking about a girl that he loves but that may not also be the best for him. All I know is that this song made me stop crying on that bus ride and for that I will forever be grateful.