Friendships

This post really resonated with me and I hope it can resonate with someone else too.

diaryofatwentysomething

“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.”
– Sarah Dessen, Someone Like You

If someone told me a few short years ago that this quote would apply to me and my life right now, I’d look at my friends, look at the person, look back at my friends and then look back at that person (pause) and fall into a hysterical fit of laughter. See I never imagined I’d have no friends, I always had friends, even in secondary school when my ‘friends’ at the time turned on me, I found a new clique to hang out with, but I am not in secondary school anymore, I’m no longer a teenager, and the reality is friendships at least for me are harder to form and that’s not for lack of wanting.

I really don’t know what happened to all the close friends I once had…

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Goodbye #GirlSquad

I feel like I am always in a predicament with people and friends. I am either losing them or fighting with them. Since my breakup, which I now understand the part I played in, I have found that I have had drama with my friends without even really trying. Its like I attract it just by saying something or anything.

And then I realized something.

These just were not my people.

I think if they were my people, they would invite and include me in things so I didn’t feel more alone. I think that they would tell people my ideas instead of trading them off as their own. I think they would check in on me more. I think they wouldn’t say mean things and I think they would respect me more. I wouldn’t feel like an outsider when I am with them.

Realizing that you have to let go of your girl squad is hard as fuck but sometimes its necessary. I believe that there are people out there in the world for you and for me and I will find them. Maybe not today but hopefully soon.

To be honest, none of this will matter my 30 and knowing this has taken a huge weight from off of my shoulders.

A Podcast Episode Featuring Me

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272-Alexandria Hayden.

A post shared by mürmur. (@murmurpodcast) on

 MURMUR PODCAST 

As a part of a Self-Discovery Mission, I decided to Travel to New York City in June 2018 all by myself. I would end up having an amazing time, meeting new friends, seeing old friends, loving my Airbnb and finding the best AirBnB experience of all time.

I have always loved listening to Podcasts and I thought that nothing could be better than to actually be on a podcast myself. When I saw the opportunity to feature on a World Famous Podcast, I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. While it was nerve wracking at first to be going to a strangers home to discuss random topics for the world to hear, it was really a wonderful and enlightening experience and the highlight of my trip from Toronto to New York City.

Luc is an amazing host and was such a pleasure to meet. From the amazing Turkish Coffee reading to the hilarious warm ups before the show, it was truly an eventful experience. Within 10 minutes of being in his apartment, I felt right at home and by the end, I felt as if I had made a new friend in New York City.

I left his Lower Manhattan setup that afternoon feeling hopeful about life and positive about my ability to make new connections. No matter where you go in the world, you will always find new people that feel similar to you and you can connect with them on various levels too. This experience taught me that and I am forever thankful that I will have this reminder to remember the day from.

I hope to one day have a podcast in Toronto where I can talk to strangers and become friends with them. I think that would be pretty amazing. To learn about others is the best way to get to know more about yourself. I think that this whole concept is pretty cool.

Thank you Murmur Podcast. Thank you Luc. Thank you New York City.

Link to the episode:  MURMUR PODCAST