I went to New York City, in the middle of a Major Depressive Episode and I had the time of life.
I took very few pictures.
This blog post isn’t about me showing you what I did through a photo log or telling you stories, it is more about me explaining how this was the most informative journey I have taken in my life over the last year. I had a lot of realizations and I lot of moments of anxiety but I experienced something I genuinely hadn’t felt in over 8 months – Happiness. The great thing too is that when I came home to Toronto, a lot of good things began to come to me. I found some new friends (and I will write a blog post about that soon), I became more accepting of who I was, I understood what brought me to where I am today, and I called all the people that loved me. Somethings were hard to see but all revelations were beautiful in their own right. Here are the 10 feelings I had while in NYC:
- This is going to be a great trip – I was super excited to be taking this journey to a new City and to be experiencing something on my own that I have wanted to experience for a while again.
- Music on a long bus ride is Paramount – Having a great road trip playlist sets the foundation for any great trip.
- I miss my ex – This was the hardest part. We had always discussed going to NYC together and going without him at the time when we broke up last year was actually a really emotionally challenging thing to do.
- A Great AirBnb sets the stage – My airbnb was great and I was so grateful to have stayed there. It was actually sad to leave and I did cry a bit. I learned so much about myself in bed at night in that apartment in NYC. I will never forget.
- Harlem is great – Everyone should go.
- I am the most toxic person in my life – I was walking on Broadway, looking at all the couples together, and realizing that I could have had that today, if I didn’t over react and I tried to communicate better. Maybe if I hadn’t tried to hurt other people by writing mean things and forcing relationships, I would be more emotionally sound today.
- I decided to change my life – I realized that the past is the past and I could make my future so amazingly bright. I was in a new City where no one knew me and I could start a new chapter of a book right here. So, that’s what I did. I knew it wouldn’t be easy or be overnight, but I new that I had a blank page to start on. I was going to be a good person.
- I made a new friend – I found a new friend on the evening I committed to being a better person. I went to a comedy show alone. She had just recently gotten divorced and had come to NYC for a fresh start. We were both on each other page ones. We still talk till this day.
- I am only 23 – I haven’t ruined my life. I have been luckily brought to a place where I am old enough to understand my wrongs, yet young enough to still have enough time to correct them for the better. A change is gonna come and its going to be a blessing.
- The air smelled like him and I cried in front of his favourite store – This trip didn’t heal wounds, but it allowed me to accept all of my wrongs, put forth the effort to change them, and to put faith into the universe. Maybe I will always love him and that will always be okay. I realized that he will always be a part of me and that is okay. Time may not heal all wounds, but time made me realize that everywhere offers you a fresh start and that there is beauty in all things.
Thank you for reading.
1. As of today, this day, I commit myself to becoming a more peaceful and beautiful soul. I want to be able to listen more to the words of others in order to feel their souls. I want to put more happiness into this world. I want to rebuild myself and become a less toxic person. I want to start anew. I want to use my lessons from the past to shape who I am today without altering my personality. My goal is to be a good person and not a bad one like I was before.
2. My negative, pessimistic, and toxic energy has to go. I don’t have time for it anymore. It’s not who I want to be. I need to be the best person I know. That’s how and where I will find my happiness.
3. Something is calling me to work in Italy. I got a job offer to work there and something is telling me like this is the right decision for me. I would go because I feel like a month in the country I have always wanted to visit is the best form of clarity for me. I am searching for myself and my sense of purpose. I may have just found it.
Since my awful break up this year, I have really felt confined by the space and place I am in. I am finishing up my undergrad and about to start a masters, but I feel trapped in my environment. My goal and hope for the remainder to 2018, is to be able to free my soul through deep mediation and travel.
I want to travel and see new places and create new memories and experiences. If after I travel, I am still unable to be happy with everything in life, then I will determine that most of what I feel is internal and not environmental.
On my travel bucket-list I will be attempting to visit:
- Ottawa, ON, Canada
Lets see if I actually make it and follow my travel tab to see me write about my experiences.
My friend is currently doing an exchange in Paris, France for one year and he sent me some funny snaps while touring the city! These were too humorous not to share both here and on my Instagram! Check them out and let me know if you laugh!
I think that as a person living in North America, it is a standard experience for one to travel to NYC. I headed to NYC in October as a middle stop on my Northern USA trip. I spent my time walking around the city and shopping which was fun. The human traffic was a little bit stressful, especially around Times Square, but I made the most of my trip. I didn’t get to take many photos but I did take a few! Here are some of the pictures I took from my trip to New York City.