I am at that age in life where its time to apply for full time employment (I am 23). While I have landed a pretty cool internship in the past few weeks, it is always great to continue to look for new strategies to implement into future interviews. I found this article on the 10 Best Questions you should ask in a job interview to help you stand out. I hope that this article can benefit someone else in the future!
For the first time in over 6 years, I have straight A’s in all of my academic classes. That sounds amazing, right? Yes it does, but it also sucks that I have been in my undergraduate program for longer than the usual 4 years. I feel like I should be further in my life and that I should be at work or in grad school. I feel like my life should be more together than it currently is. While I do feel that I am behind in my life, getting good grades has once again proven to me that I do have intelligence and I can go as far in my life as I am willing to push myself. I think we all need to find something that makes us feel as if we can push ourselves past the limits we have set for ourselves. Set a goal and go for something. Maybe at the end of this, I will be fully proud of myself.
Lately, I have been going through a very rough time emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I feel like nothing in my life can get better. Its hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am struggling with the most mundane of things. Yesterday, Khloe Kardashian (Yeah, I know but don’t judge), posted a series of tweets and honestly they calmed down my anxiety instantly. I hope that maybe this can resonate with you as well. We are not perfect human beings but maybe we can be better people and our lives can get better as well. I hope that this can happy for me in the future.
Today is my ex-best friends birthday and I am super sad.
One of our mutual friends texted me to tell me about the people that were there and I just realized that it has been a year since I had last seen my former friend and I realized how sad I was about the situation. I am crying as I write this right now and I thought that maybe writing it out would help me with my feelings.
This year has absolutely been the hardest one of my life. If I make it out of 2018 alive and with even a semblance of happiness then maybe I will have made it. I feel like life will never get better than this quite often and I am not even sad anymore because I have just accepted that life sucks. I don’t even want better things anymore. I just want a job that pays my rent and puts food on the table. Thinking about the ‘more” in life really make me feel trapped and depressed and hopeless. I don’t hope anymore. I don’t wish anymore. I just do what I need to do to keep on living.
I also haven’t had a good cry in a while but tonight made me cry hysterically. The things and people that used to make me happy are gone. The person I used to be is lost. I have gained over 40 pounds and I look obese. I am always being demanded to do something from my family. I am broke. I am depressed. I hate the way I look in a mirror. Most of all, I am lonely. I think Loneliness is the hardest things in the world to deal with.
So, tonight I write this with tears in my eyes and yes I know it makes no sense. I feel like healing will never come and that pain is enteral but maybe life will get 10% better and that is enough for me to be okay with.
I feel like I am always in a predicament with people and friends. I am either losing them or fighting with them. Since my breakup, which I now understand the part I played in, I have found that I have had drama with my friends without even really trying. Its like I attract it just by saying something or anything.
And then I realized something.
These just were not my people.
I think if they were my people, they would invite and include me in things so I didn’t feel more alone. I think that they would tell people my ideas instead of trading them off as their own. I think they would check in on me more. I think they wouldn’t say mean things and I think they would respect me more. I wouldn’t feel like an outsider when I am with them.
Realizing that you have to let go of your girl squad is hard as fuck but sometimes its necessary. I believe that there are people out there in the world for you and for me and I will find them. Maybe not today but hopefully soon.
To be honest, none of this will matter my 30 and knowing this has taken a huge weight from off of my shoulders.
I heard this song come onto my shuffle playlist, while on a bus ride back from New York City, where I was sobbing over the memories of my ex-boyfriend.
I had downloaded some random Starbucks playlist before I left and I didn’t expect to find this gem of a song. I love Ray LaMontagne and I instantly fell in love with this song. His voice is just gorgeous. I think he is talking about a girl that he loves but that may not also be the best for him. All I know is that this song made me stop crying on that bus ride and for that I will forever be grateful.
Today, I listened to Corey Calliet’s Instagram video where he discussed the two things we need to be successful in life: Motivation and Encouragement. We get encouragement from others and that’s why we need to surround ourselves with positive and supportive people. We also need to then find motivation and that comes from within. These are Corey’s 4 principles for staying motivated:
You need these 4 principles plus encouragement to find success in anything you do.
Preparation + Opportunity = Luck
Stay lucky. Stay Motivated. Be Encouraging.