1. My ex’s new girlfriend is GORGEOUS and I know this too but I don’t think people fully understand how emotionally crippling it is for me to hear. I’m not that pretty. I know that there was something about me that must of attracted him but I’m not all that or that great looks wise. I wish everyday that I never knew what she looked like. It’s the most painful thing. I don’t even look in mirrors or take care of myself any more because what’s the point. Everyone will say how much prettier she is and how he’s better off and it will just make me feel worse. This is the most emotionally and spiritually damaging thing I have ever experienced. I don’t think I’m good enough anymore and I don’t even know how to try to be anymore because what’s the point? I’ll always be uglier than the new girl.
2. I know that comparison is deadly and I know that another girls beauty isn’t the absence of my own. I think when the only person to ever make you feel beautiful upgrades so drastically you have to ask yourself whether or not you were even worth anything. Am I worth something? Am I worth it? I just feel like no one will ever want me again.
3. I know this post is depressing and I need to pull myself out of this depression. I can’t sit here and make myself feel like less than. I can’t sit here and feel like I’m not worthy. I have tried everything and from the day I learnt that he really moved on I just haven’t felt happiness with who I am. I just feel complete sadness and emotional isolation. Maybe I need to move or change my surroundings. Maybe I need to stop looking at her picture and comparing my looks to hers. Maybe I just need to stop. I can’t though and I don’t know why. I just feel so sad it’s like I’m sick. I don’t even want to work on my self physically because I feel like there is no point. Maybe that’s just depression. I also don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about this anymore. So I shall keep in writing my 3 things everyday here.